Indeed, Life is More Meaningful Now

Went through weeks of suffocated, lost and unhappy moments. And finally today I could bring myself to come back to the blog again. And I certainly hope this happy, positive vibes could stay longer and eventually take over the daily mood swings.

Turning 32 today, and I'm trying to declutter, re-organize and put into focus on what matters most.

I want to be able to live at least another 20 years, to grow old together with the husband, so we are able to witness the children's life achievements and hopefully  building their own sets of family too!

With the recent appointments with the oncologist and the new radio-oncologist, I've come to learn, or maybe, finally digested and accepted the fact that breast cancer is one of the cancers which is most likely to relapse.

That explains the long sets of treatments being carefully lined up for years to keep cancer at bay. In another word, to actually buy more time for the patients.

So I pledge to myself, to cut down the pointless negativities, to identify and solve the problems faced, rather than ignoring and running away from them. 

I am pulling myself together again to achieve this. I've just picked up some books on how to really take good care of myself from the library again after months of denial. I hope I could keep this up.

Dealing with the uncertainty of the future, I could only force myself to be more vigilant, counting every given day as a blessing of what I've put effort in. 

...

Keeping track of the treatments, I've completed my 12 weekly PAC + Herceptin chemotherapy last week.

It has left me with really numbed fingers and toes, tight leg muscles, menopausal, high sensitivity of taste towards saltiness, rather puffy especially seen in the face. 

I need to complete the one year dose of Herceptin, therefore I'm completing it in the form of 3-weekly infusion now until about November this year.

3-monthly heart scan MUGA needs to be performed to monitor any heart deficiency side effects due to Herceptin.

Adding on, I'll be starting my anti-hormonal pills, Tamoxifen, next month for at least 5 years if not 10 years. A low possibility of endometrial cancer but heck, the survival rate is outweighing the side effects, as my oncologist explained. 

Lastly, I'll soon be getting a daily radiation therapy for 3 weeks too. Seems like a complete package of treatments to me, but I'm doing whatever it takes to keep living on!

Here's to many good years ahead! Happy birthday to me!